Friday, February 22, 2008


Dear Husband:

I don't know if you've been following the winter we've been having in this oh so cold and lonely city, but I have taken to puffing exhales of short, measured breath to distract myself from the ice and snow, and I realized earlier today, slightly to my own horror, that this tendency resembles birth breathing, practiced round the county by those too inexperienced to know that they will surely have a cesarean and it is all for naught.

I also realized this evening that the moon has been full for three straight days.

Suffice to say, you really should get here. And no, I am not going to search for you on

That's all.


Thursday, February 21, 2008

Oscar Buzz


Dear Husband,

The Oscars are on this Sunday. Are you going to watch them?

Last year, I watched the blessed event at my neighbor's party. Am still not entirely sure why, as I don't really know my neighbors and I had things to do like wash my hair and rearrange my closet. But I went anyway.

In honor of that gold little statue and thespians in designer outfits, I dressed up, drank like 8 bottles of wine and completely failed my "Oscars Quiz" ( I was never good at standardized tests Husband ). Then, was so dehydrated the next day I considered eating snow on the way to work.

So the moral of my story is, just because Jon Stewart is hosting and "Juno" is nominated for Best Film (heeeey Ellen go girl) does not grant me special drinking priviledges for the evening.

At least that's what I'll keep telling myself.

Nominated for Best Potential Companion in this comedy we call Life,

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Hearts and Such


Dear Husband,

Being that Valentine's Day is almost upon us, I thought I would take this opportunity to write.

Still not having found you, it will be difficult to express my true love in the absence of having an actual protagonist for this love story, but I will do my best. Instead I will compose a list of gifts that would be adequate to give on this special, albeit Hallmark, holiday.

1. Flowers. Specifically tulips or roses. But if you can't remember either of those, any flower will do as I will just be excited to receive something at work that will make my coworkers think I must be a fabulous and deserving Wife. Please try to limit and/or eliminate the amount of fillers, ie: baby's breath (duh)

2. A weekend getaway. Your choice, as long does not involve NASCAR, The Mall of America, or Dollywood. However, I doubt we'd be married if the aforementioned destinations excited you in the least.

3. Jewerly. You know what kind I like Husband. And if you don't, maybe you should stick with flowers.

4. Something memorable of our time together. I will be looking forward to the collection of movie stubs, restaurant receipts, and photos you've stored away over the years. Extra bonus points for things I didn't even remember, but that you cherished most, making you the Ultimate Caring Husband.

That's all for now. Must eat red M&Ms and conversation hearts until I hear from you,